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Black Mental Health Race & Mental Illness

What does it mean to be Black and live with a mental illness?

Many are having conversations around being Black and what that means to them. Some are just realizing what it is like to live as a Black person. Some are seeing their Black friends or family in a new light. Often Black people mention that we cannot take our blackness off at the end of the day. It influences every single aspect of our lives and that includes our mental health. Many of us were not granted the privilege to even address our mental health. The current BLM movement has opened Pandora’s box in terms of what Black people experience every day in their lives whether it’s microaggressions or stigma within their own community. This post is about the intricacies of Black mental health and what that means.

Being Black and having a mental illness means:

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  • Having parents who do not believe Black people can have a mental illness (that’s for white people)
  • Not being able to tell any family outside of your immediate family that you have a mental illness (due to family dynamics, gossip or stigma)
  • Having a mental illness that may never be diagnosed due to the above
  • Suffering in silence
  • Not getting the chance to find the right medications that could help you drastically because you weren’t diagnosed in the first place*
  • Trying to be that model immigrant (which means no mental health or mental illness for you!)
  • Being under a lot of pressure because your parents immigrated here & to them they provided safety, food and shelter for you to succeed. “What are you depressed or anxious about?”
  • Having family who believe there are spirits or voodoo causing your mental illness
  • Having that aunt or uncle who likely has a mental illness but we brush off, “Oh you know that’s Auntie Molly, it’s nothing, don’t worry about her.”
  • Not having access to mental health professionals who look like you which includes therapists, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, psychologists; the list continues
  • Never feeling comfortable enough to talk about the Black part of yourself & your life in therapy with a non-POC
  • Being scared to bring up the topic of blackness during therapy because you worry your non-POC therapist might feel uncomfortable
  • Having to “code switch” or explain all Black terms or details when you first mention them because your story needs context

“Dealing with intergenerational trauma on a psychological level and what that means for your mental illness”

  • Going to emergency and not seeing one face like yours
  • Having the stereotype of a strong Black woman or man that you have to live up to and if you don’t you’re weak or not a man
  • Having the stereotype of being the funny/entertaining Black friend, all the time
  • Not being allowed to cry or express your emotions or talk about your feelings
  • Figuring out as an adult that you did/do have a mental illness and coming to terms with the time wasted not knowing that fact
  • Dealing with intergenerational trauma on a psychological level and what that means for your mental illness
  • Being raised by parents who never dealt with their own mental health or mental illness
  • Never finishing high school or university or college or never being able to keep a job because your mental illness was never diagnosed & you haven’t learned how to cope
Marlon Schmeiski, Pexels.com

“I cannot emphasize enough how important naming something is. It gives you freedom. It gives you power. It gives you patience with yourself and others. And it allows you to practice self-love and self-care.”

There is so much to unpack here, you could honestly spend years studying and adding to all of the above and some people do! And some of them have implications I did not mention which lead to even poorer mental health. We also have to consider how systemic racism and microaggressions impact our lives, our feelings and therefore our mental & physical health.

It’s not all pain and suffering, being Black is a glorious thing which is hard to capture in words. Next post I will focus on all the good that comes with being Black and having a mental illness. Please note all of the above does not happen to every single Black person, it is a case to case situation, we do not all live the same life; another good thing to note when examining your presumptions about Black people. Some of these situations have happened to me, some have not, but I need a whole other blog post to discuss those moments in my life. It’s coming soon. I promise.

Before you run off to your life and all that is happening in our world right now, the first piece of advice I cannot emphasize enough is how important naming something is. It gives you freedom. It gives you power. It gives you patience with yourself and others. And it allows you to practice self-love and self-care.

My second piece of information for you today is knowledge is power. Equip yourself with mental health information and spread that across our community starting with your friends and your family.

Love you all.

Stay safe & stay well.

*It can take years to find the right medication and it requires support, coping tools and more, the sooner you start the faster you might find one that helps.

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

Hill Studio

“Meditation, breathing exercise, conversations, calming music and soulful yoga flows to soothe and restore your mind, body and soul. Led by Black Wellness Practitioners to address the needs of the Black Community. Open to all members of the Black Community. All Genders welcome.”

Therapy for Black Girls

“So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevents Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. This space was developed to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.”

8 Black Mental Health Resources in Canada and Online

“These organizations focused on the mental health and well-being of Black communities can offer some much-needed support right now.”

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

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Categories
Career Inspiration Mental Health Mentorship Workplace Mental Health

Why having a mentor could save your mental health Part I

I’m back! After a long hiatus as I finished up my Master of Social Work, rested and to be honest, processed the last three years, I’m back to sharing my experiences as a professional who lived with mental illness and how I navigated the work world. My aim is to talk to you like a friend and be as real as possible with you. Twice a month I will bring to you a piece that combines my lived, work, academic and clinical mental health expertise to give you the workplace mental health advice you didn’t know you needed. Now let’s get to it!

You’re struggling to delegate tasks to your team.

You’re the new intern and virtually starting and your nerves are getting to you.

Your new job isn’t what you thought it would be. You feel behind in your career (and life).

Your spouse is pressuring you as you try to juggle home and the work life of the post-pandemic world.

You don’t know how to navigate your way to your dream job.

Before you know it, you stop eating or you stay up late binging TV or on social media because you dread going to work the next morning or find yourself being more irritable with your loved ones than usual.  

Photo from freepik.com

In these situations, a lot of us pine away, we try to figure things out on our own and feel alone in our struggle. For some of us, these scenarios could very well be the beginning of a downward mental health spiral. We are all burned out, drained, dealing with compassion fatigue and what can feel like the end of times (i.e., with climate change, inflation, high cost of living – the list continues). That strain on our body and mind leaves room for unhelpful thinking and flawed interpretations of our experiences. When left unchecked, this can lead to mental illness.

You know what could help you at this point?

A MENTOR.

I am not exaggerating when I say my mentors have saved my life and been an enormous advisory force in the movements I’ve made in my career, the betterment of my mental health, and my perspective on life. They’ve saved me from myself, the severe cognitive distortions and suicidal ideation that came with my mental illness, and more. Over time, what I learned was how to pause and take stock of all parts of the situation. As a high functioning person who lived with major depression and anxiety, work life came with its extra challenges – especially for someone who is highly ambitious and overanalytical (obsessive, let’s just call a spade a spade).

Today, when mental health challenges are rampant, I cannot recommend enough how important it is to go find yourself a mentor. Someone you can turn to for advice. Someone you admire and respect. Someone who can provide you with a type of stability and reality-check in this chaotic, work world. Let me emphasize, a mentor is NOT a therapist. But your ambition, career and mental health are undeniably connected. This is one of the many reasons workplace mental health and psychological health and safety are hot topics right now.

I always emphasize during my workshops to build a mental health support team. A family doctor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, additional mental health and health professionals, colleagues and close family and friends are just some of the people you can consider as part of this team. This list also includes mentors. Consider this sacred relationship a part of your plan to stay mentally well.  

What mentors can provide for you:

  • Good advice based on experience and wisdom (obviously)
  • The breathing room you need before you make a difficult decision. A moment to pause, “Let me set up a call with my mentor before I emotionally spiral, see what they have to say and go from there.”
  • They can tell you that, “No you are not being irrational, XYZ is a horrendous situation.” Sometimes validation is all we need!
    • It is important to take note that they may not have all the answers as they too have never experienced a global pandemic, but it could be comforting to know you’re not alone in this. Chances are though, they’ll still have that highly applicable wisdom and insider track of senior staff you just don’t have access to
  • They will call you out on your crap and be straight up to you (gently if they have that finesse)
  • They can help you make a risky career decision you’re not sure about
  • Personal growth over time – if you are self-aware enough, you can stand back and ask yourself, am I going back to my mentor with the same qualms? Or have I grown? Have I taken their advice and worked on myself?
  • Urgent support. There are some who will answer your text within the hour or day, or can schedule a call ASAP
  • If you are extremely lucky, your mentor may have dealt with mental health issues in the past or know someone close to them who has. This elevates the type of support they can give you
  • A mentor is a neutral party, who knows you and your work goals well. They are not a family member, friend, or coworker who may have their own agenda and personal judgements of you. This may be one of the biggest pluses. Most of us carry so much baggage from our families and in our friendships. A mentor can care about you like family but aren’t thinking about how your mom favoured you more as a child, or comparing how your life looks on Instagram

However, be mindful:

Photo by nappy on Pexels.com
  • A mentor is NOT a therapist. If you really feel you need professional mental health support, find that first, then find a mentor
  • They have their own struggles (especially considering the current state of the world). They may not be able to get back to you ASAP or may prefer a monthly set phone call. Be open and flexible. They are doing you the favour
  • You are still 100% responsible for your career decisions, they can direct you but at the end of the day, they are your choices to be made
  • You can outgrow your relationship or need less frequent contact. If your mentor is experienced, they will aid in this transition
  • The work world has changed and therefore the rules, but wisdom is still wisdom. The rules may have changed, but the energy and hutzpah you need hasn’t. A smart mentor will know this and how it impacts the advice they provide you
  • You can always have more than one mentor at a time, each providing their own special sauce to share. You can’t always get everything from one person
  • Be consistent and realistic about what the relationship will be like and what you need
  • Sometimes a mentor can be a mentor for a 60-minute lunch or coffee, it’s not always months or years but they can all be valuable

So how do you find a mentor? People are a lot less scary than we think they are. During the last fifteen years of my career, I have never had someone I messaged out of the blue be rude or mean. Unresponsive to my email? Sure, but outright given me a hurtful response, never. You have nothing to lose by reaching out to someone and asking for a coffee (virtual or in person). Due to the last three years, people may not have the time or emotional bandwidth, but that’s fair and that doesn’t mean you can’t find someone! It may just take a little longer.

“It creates a mini community (yes, a two-person community), which we all need right now.”

You may also question why would someone spend their time talking to you? Although some may see it as a one-way street, many mentors do it because it is rewarding and they want to help, especially when you make a strong connection, or they see themselves in you. Humans all want to connect, it’s what we do! It can also give them reprieve from their own problems! A break to breathe and think of someone else. They also learn a lot about themselves and their own journey through supporting yours. And often, eventually, a mentor can become like family. That is one of the most beautiful relationships one can have, this person who has witnessed you bloom becomes your equal and can step out of their mentor shoes.

*** For my Black Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPOC) brothers and sisters, think outside the box. I encourage finding a BIPOC mentor if that is what you desire, BUT I encourage you to think about someone who is non-BIPOC as well and what they can offer. They are likely making movements you haven’t thought of and may give you the courage and guidance in finessing situations to your benefit. Create a career counsel that includes both BIPOC and non-BIPOC mentors!

Stay tuned for Part II where I will dive into the clinical side of how mentorship can help you maintain great mental health.

Click here to learn more about the mental health workshops I provide.

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

Hill Studio’s Restore is clinics and activations developed by Black Wellness Practitioners to share practical tools to restore hope, health, joy and community. They also consider the unique intersection of gender, race and cultures in the pursuit of our well-being. They focus on facilitating safe wellness spaces that explore the impacts of Anti-Black Racism, open up dialogue for healing and community building for your team or organization.

New Girl On The Block

“Is a mentorship program, but way sicker than your average. It is a go-to resource for millennial women to receive assistance with life planning, career strategies, personal brand development and style advice. With unique teaching methods and a curriculum designed to educate, entertain and inspire women in transition, New Girl On The Block effortlessly converts shy girls into fly girls.”

Mentor Canada

“Available in both official languages, Mentor Connector is a free online database that links volunteer mentors and youth to mentoring programs across our country. It is the first-ever national searchable database of mentoring programs, designed to help volunteers and youth alike connect to the right mentoring opportunity both virtually and in their communities.”

Women in Leadership Foundation

“Designed with a commitment to empower and elevate women in leadership across diverse industries, our program is tailored to emerging and seasoned professionals who are eager to refine their leadership skills, be part of a supportive community, and gain invaluable insights from accomplished mentors in their fields.”

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Categories
Covid19 & Mental Health Depression Finding Help Inspiration Therapy

How to do Black History Month right this year

Colleagues giving a fist bump
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You must be thinking, “Not again. Not another article about how to do EDI right. What do they want? It’s either too much or too little or completely wrong.” I get it. But the Black community (local, national, and global) didn’t see this revolution occurring in the near future either! But here we are. Together, going through it and facing centuries of build up. No one knew that so much would come to the forefront at such an accelerated pace. And some of us in the Black community are playing catch up too. How do we react? What’s realistic, feasible and actually effective? It’s all very complicated and because of this, we need to make sure we are clearly and respectfully communicating. I spoke with some of the finest Black professionals in my circle on what they would like to see during Black History Month this February. I’ve broken them down into three topic areas: education, events and programs and long-term strategy.

***To preface the rest of this post, Black History Month isn’t meant to be jammed packed with all things Black for 28 days. I cannot emphasize enough that these suggestions should be kept in mind year-round if we really want change. I know it’s a lot of work, I hear you but if you want to do it right, it’s going to take effort and resources. And being performative isn’t a good look for anyone. 

Back to it.

Education

  • Recognize Black trailblazers in your industry. Highlight their achievements and a bit about their lives and work. This could include not just historic figures but also more recent individuals. Yes, thanks to social media, we all now know that the light bulb filament was invented by a Black man and Edison fine tuned it, but what’s been happening in the last decades or century in your specific industry? 
  • All-staff webinars that cover why we are where we are today. By this I mean historic systemic issues such as – redlining, the school-to-prison pipeline, the story of Africville, the consequences of slavery and more. Educational sessions allow us to understand what occurred and helps to dispel stereotypes such as laziness or lower intelligence and lessen can-they-just-pull-up-their-bootstraps-already beliefs. 

Events

  • Black mental health and wellness events that serve as a safe space that Black employees can gather and have open conversations about their experiences. Seek out Black professionals who work in the health and wellness space and provide seminars and workshops. It may seem odd but there is great value in bringing in for example, a Black yoga instructor or other Black wellness professionals because there is such a lack of representation in those areas.
  • Consider having two wellness events: one for Black male employees and another for Black female employees as the workplace and personal issues they face do vary.
  • Leadership forums with Black leaders (internal or external)
  • Panel sessions focused on storytelling and how the Black experience translates within your industry and organization
  • Candid dialogue on inclusive language – this can be touchy, but it is critical
  • A career event for Black employees where they can network and meet other Black professionals in their field of work

“The best piece of advice I can give is to talk to your Black employees.”

Programs & Long-term Strategy

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  • Have an honest and open conversation and consultation with your Black employees before creating broad based initiatives – preferably led by Black leadership who have the power and resources to implement long term action and impact.
  • Involvement and participation in mentorship opportunities and programs
  • Staff seminars on how to be an ally 
  • Management training on anti-Black racism, microaggressions, prejudice, bias and discrimination within the workplace
  • Development of organizational/sector specific networks for Black professionals

The above are all fantastic ideas but the best piece of advice I can give is to talk to your Black employees.  Ask them what they would like to see for Black History Month, whether it is seminars or internal initiatives. Do not go into it giving them what you think they would like, want, or need. We’ve all been there in the past two years, a calendar invite to a random mandated webinar sent by HR that no one asked for. Everyone’s time is precious. And please note, do not ask your Black employees to create and run events and programs just because they are Black. If it is part of their role, make sure to provide the necessary resources and do not expect any of them to enthusiastically do this work out of the goodness of their heart (i.e. it’s not in their job description and above their pay grade). It is very emotional and taxing work. Also, don’t make events or seminars mandatory for non-BIPOC or all-staff, no one wants to be forced if it isn’t some how relative to their job specifically and that’s okay, present it as an open event.

Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com

To close, remember that it isn’t all doom and gloom! This doesn’t have to be another thing on your to-do list. It can also be interesting, fun and a celebration while still being authentic and respectful. It’s also an iterative process. You’ll likely get some things wrong and this is why it is crucial that you speak to your Black employees and make them feel comfortable enough to give feedback. 

Enjoy the celebration of Black history! It’s part of your history too and we have so much to celebrate. 

Read more about my Black Mental Health workshops and other mental health workshops here.

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

Hill Studio’s Restore is clinics and activations developed by Black Wellness Practitioners to share practical tools to restore hope, health, joy and community. They also consider the unique intersection of gender, race and cultures in the pursuit of our well-being. They focus on facilitating safe wellness spaces that explore the impacts of Anti-Black Racism, open up dialogue for healing and community building for your team or organization.

8 Black Mental Health Resources in Canada and Online

These organizations focus on the mental health and well-being of Black communities and offer much-needed support.

Therapy for Black Women

So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevents Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. This space was developed to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

ConnexOntario provides free and confidential helplines 24/7 and can help campus professionals (counsellors, faculty, student leaders, residence dons, etc.) connect students with mental health and addictions information, services, and supports in their community.

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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White, black, old, young, tall, short: What different types of therapists are really like, Part ll

woman in gray sweater
Photo by Ralph Rabago on Pexels.com

* Originally published March 20th, 2019

woman in black blazer sitting on brown wooden chair
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

One of the longest relationships with a therapist I’ve had, was a short Jewish lady who was a general practitioner. I’d come in, sit on the chair next to the examination table and we’d have long sessions, instead of the normally provided quicker family doctor appointments. She was amazing and became a type of parental figure for me. She was sympathetic, real, kind and funny. She understood where I was coming from being a type-A perfectionist woman and the constant burden and stress I was putting on myself. She wasn’t an extensively trained psychotherapist but damn she was good! What I loved about her was that when things were outside of her scope, she acknowledged it and we would search for other services together, for instance when it came to my OCD. I believe I saw her for 3 to 4 years, maybe longer. I would even trek from downtown to the suburbs to see her. Sadly, (for me) she became pregnant, went on mat leave and would return to work at a location too far for me to commute. I cried some real tears when she told me and gave her a very special gift for her baby during our last session.

“This is why I encourage people to share what they are going through because you don’t know where that hook up might come from.”

Sidenote: She would be concerned if she could still do physicals on me and made it a point to ask me if that was ok, which I thought was hilarious. I’m telling you my most intimate thoughts and feelings, I don’t think getting a pap and internal physical done is going to cross any lines at this point.

I then bounced around for varying lengths of time until I made my way to a social worker to do some cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)! He was around my age which was interesting. He could have been a bit younger or older, I never figured it out. He was lovely. He had face piercings, was pretty stylish and he got it. I definitely saw him on the street a few times but never made eye contact, not on purpose, he just never saw me! Anyway, I have mentioned that comparison, standards, where I am in life, my achievements etc. as some of the issues behind my depression and being a peer of the same generation, he understood where I was coming from. We had some fantastic CBT sessions and I truly felt my thinking start to shift and became a true believer in it. The catch though? I only had a set number of sessions with him and then it was adiós. But that is the point of doing CBT (sometimes, not all cases but there are many programs that are time-limited), it helps you shift your thinking and then it’s over. He was kind enough to find me a social worker he knew who would provide me with a lower price based on my income level (I really have had quite a bit of luck and plain ol’ kindness of others helping me along the way! This is why I encourage people to share what they are going through because you don’t know where that hook up might come from).

ethnic female psychotherapist listening to black clients explanation
Photo by Alex Green on Pexels.com

About 5 years ago, I saw a therapist who was only a couple years older than me and also trained at a school I had never heard of so I was a bit skeptic. She spoke of chakras and energy on top of the typical psychotherapy theory. However, she was amazing and it was so good to talk to a woman who was around my age – she was single like me, had similar interests and life experiences. It was golden. And super affordable because she was still in school. The funny thing is, even though she was around my age she was still so fantastic at keeping it professional while being relatable. She was one of the most recent therapists I’ve seen in the last five years. Up to that point I had learned a lot about what worked for me and what didn’t. There is just so much you learn from seeing so many different mental health professionals and learning about the system in Canada. It was a tough journey but I’m happy I now have the knowledge and skills that might help someone else get better just a bit faster than it took me.

Read Part I and Part III of White, black, old, young, tall, short: What different types of therapists are really like

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

findasocialworker.ca

An online directory of social workers in private practice in Canada. findasocialworker.ca is a project of the Ontario Association of Social Workers (OASW), and each social worker listed here is a member of their provincial social work association and regulatory body. This directory is provided as a free service to individuals or organizations wishing to locate and engage the services of a social worker.

Psychology Today – Therapists in Ontario

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals

The Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Uncategorized

White, black, old, young, male, female: What different types of therapists are really like, Part lll

woman in black shirt sitting on chair
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

* Originally published March 20th, 2019

unrecognizable ethnic woman surfing internet on smartphone at cafeteria table
Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

There were times I did meet a therapist and simply didn’t connect or like them and what they had to say, this is partly what led to such a high count of mental health professionals I’ve seen. It was never difficult for me to stop seeing someone right away, I mean if I can stop seeing a certain eyebrow or wax lady, I can stop therapy with someone I don’t like.

Race and ethnicity is a big thing, it affects how you think, daily life, family history, etc. I would love to find a black female (or male) therapist one day! I did bring up race to my current therapist and she handled it pretty well! She was earnest and genuinely sympathetic to the plight I brought up, I was impressed, because that could have gone real sideways.

I typically do a bit of role-rehearsal and ask the therapist personal questions once I am comfortable and feel that we have enough of a relationship to cross that line. Do you have kids? How many? Are you married? Where did you go to school (If I didn’t know already from Googling them)? I’m sorry, I need to know what that person has experienced in their personal lives and where/what they studied. Who is this person I’m allowing to treat my mind and soul? It’s okay to be curious and ask questions (that aren’t too personal – you have to be respectful).

Advice on finding the right therapist:

  1. Firstly, you have to work the system – health care is free in Canada but you have to get to know what you are working with and advocate for yourself in any health related cases which include mental health issues.
  2. Don’t judge, try different professionals! You never know where that gem of advice might be! Don’t be stush!
  3. Culture and race are important. (For me – the Jewish doctor knew the pressure immigrant families can have on their children, and the dynamics of that type of family).
  4. Age can be important depending on what you are looking for or the issues you are dealing with at the time.
  5. You’re going to grow! Although all this switching was exhausting for me, well it kind of happened alongside my evolution as a woman and the stages of my depression, self-actualization and advancement in my coping skills.


“You’ve got to navigate around the money issue – find someone on a sliding scale based on income, see a student you connect with or a new grad.”

  1. Don’t push, if you honestly feel like you can’t discuss a certain topic or aren’t stable/strong enough at the time, don’t. Only do what you are ready for and only you can know that.
  2. You’ve got to navigate around the money issue – find someone on a sliding scale based on income, see a student you connect with or a new grad.
  3. There are sites with local listings, for instance professional association sites (see Resources below).
  4. Ask around – does anyone know a GP who does therapy as well? Does your primary care office know of someone?
  5. Check your coverage (like call them) – some cover social workers, most cover a certain amount per year. Maybe advocate for this type of coverage at your work with HR if you’re comfortable. Trust me, I highly doubt you are the only person at your job who needs therapy benefits.
  6. Lastly, not every session is going to blow your mind, sometimes you have breakthroughs, some days you get nothing but release maybe, and others you leave with just one very special meaningful golden nugget!
pensive woman sitting on couch
Photo by Gabby K on Pexels.com

It takes work and time but there is help out there and I wish you all the best on your search!

What has your experience been like with different therapists? 

Read Part I and Part II and of White, black, old, young, male, female: What different types of therapists are really like

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

findasocialworker.ca

An online directory of social workers in private practice in Canada. findasocialworker.ca is a project of the Ontario Association of Social Workers (OASW), and each social worker listed here is a member of their provincial social work association and regulatory body. This directory is provided as a free service to individuals or organizations wishing to locate and engage the services of a social worker.

Psychology Today – Therapists in Ontario

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals

The Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Black Mental Health Depression Inspiration Quotes Race & Mental Illness The Journey

My Jamaican Dad’s Advice about Life & Mental Health

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There is a major disconnect when it comes to mental health and what it means to black parents and their children (at whatever age). I can imagine this is happening in many households right now as we struggle to make it through literally each day and try our best to deal with covid19 and the black lives matter revolution! My heart goes out to those who find themselves in this situation, living with a family who does not understand mental health and therefore are being more harmful than helpful. And I can say that because I understand what kind of challenges and emotions it creates. I’ve lived it.

Many Black parents believe there is just no room or time for mental illness. If you profess your struggle to your family it’s often met with frustration or even anger. But I want you to know, you are not alone!

When I first got sick my Dad’s favorite thing to say to me was, “If the house is on fire, the house is on fire.” And he would add a very animated “Get out!” at the end of the quote.

He would say this to me during some of my worst bouts of despair. It was his advice when I would bring up issues I was depressed or anxious about, perhaps it was about school, my career, my personal trauma or my relationships at the time. I know he was trying his best to help me but it used to. Tick. Me. Off.

As I step back and look at the last 20 years of dealing with depression, OCD and anxiety while also considering the current state of the world, I realize this advice is very West Indian. It relates to that notion of you have food, water and shelter, what else is there to be upset about? I think for him as an immigrant and a Black man, he did not have time or the luxury to address his mental health or even think about it. To him, you have to be logical and simplify the situation. Which is likely what he had to do as a young Black man in a foreign country trying to make a life for himself and later for his family. Metaphorically, the “getting out of the house” leaves no room for questions like who started the fire? What personal belongings do I grab? Will insurance cover it? Forget all that, you need to get out of the burning house! It also leaves no room for emotions.

It took nearly 20 years before I started to understand this quote to be honest and it…well, kind of makes sense!

“The guy you like doesn’t like you, he doesn’t like you, move on.”

“You failed the exam, you failed the exam, what are you going to do next?”

“You didn’t get the job, you didn’t get the job, what other jobs can you look at? How else can you generate income?”

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“I do believe that this idea can help you if you are in the right frame of mind right now. We have to try to be logical when it comes to certain things.”

It is about accepting that the house is on fire and that you must get out, let go of the house and move on. Don’t discuss the fire! Get out of the damn house, don’t ruminate! It has helped me accept certain realities. These things you can’t control are happening (you can’t control that house fire), you have to look beyond them and look at what you can do, what you can control.

But let’s be real for a second here, this analogy does not take into account well, everything else! Pain, regret, sorrow, time to process, grief, a broken heart, broken promises, the list goes on forever. It’s a practical person’s advice and can only really be processed, once you’ve dealt with your emotions. But it can be about owning your life.

I do believe if you are in the right frame of mind this idea can help you right now. We have to try to be logical when it comes to certain things, grieve but also try to think about what can help you right now, whether that is self-care or taking breaks from work or your family. I’m not downplaying anyone’s pain and suffering right now but I think it is helpful to try not to ruminate because we all have to figure out our situations and next steps.

I talk about this example because it’s important to understand the approach Black parents can take and what they are thinking. Some parents are truly trying to help you, they just don’t know how yet. We need to acknowledge and address that gap before we can move forward as a community!

Has your parent, therapist, teacher etc. ever used seemingly inane quotes, analogies or metaphors to comfort you in your time of need? Did you understand them at the time? Were they helpful?

Share this with your people:

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RESOURCES:

Hill Studio

“Meditation, breathing exercise, conversations, calming music and soulful yoga flows to soothe and restore your mind, body and soul. Led by Black Wellness Practitioners to address the needs of the Black Community. Open to all members of the Black Community. All Genders welcome.”

Therapy for Black Girls

“So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevents Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. This space was developed to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.”

8 Black Mental Health Resources in Canada and Online

“These organizations focused on the mental health and well-being of Black communities can offer some much-needed support right now.”

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Covid19 & Mental Health Depression Finding Help Inspiration Therapy

This is a marathon, not a sprint

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woman wearing black and white run printed pullover hoodie
Photo by EVG Culture on Pexels.com

This is by far still one of my favourite lockdown/covid19/Black Lives Matter quotes!

What do you do to prep for a marathon? How do you run a marathon the day-of?

You eat well. You get rest. You run longer and longer distances to condition your body and mind. You look into the future and think about what will get you there. You don’t rush. And the day of the big race, you set a nice steady pace.

It’s hard right now because we don’t know when this race will end. We don’t have an end date but we do know we need to NOT wear ourselves out so we can make it through. Don’t exhaust yourself. I know that can be hard and it’s something I’m struggling with as well!

Go to therapy, find ways to rest your soul & mind. Build up your resilience and find tools to help you cope.

Let’s not lose sight of that big day when this time has passed and the frame of mind we want to be in, especially when it comes to our mental health & wellbeing.

We’re in this for the long run.

“Go to therapy, find ways to rest your soul & mind. Build up your resilience and find tools to help you cope.”

Share this with your people:

RESOURCES:

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

ConnexOntario provides free and confidential helplines 24/7 and can help campus professionals (counsellors, faculty, student leaders, residence dons, etc.) connect students with mental health and addictions information, services, and supports in their community.

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Categories
Black Mental Health Covid19 & Mental Health Depression Finding Help Inspiration Love Race & Mental Illness

Dear West Indian & African parents

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Many immigrant parents have a very hard time processing that their child has a mental illness or poor mental health. “You have food, shelter and everything else I provided for you, why are you depressed? What is there to be depressed about?”

As someone who is half Jamaican and half Vincentian and lives with depression, anxiety and OCD, I know all too well what it’s like to have West Indian parents when it comes to your mental health. With this experience I write:

Dear West Indian & African Parents,

In regards to moving to a foreign country (for some of you with zero support), you killed it! You hustled and sacrificed, you fought racism (probably on a daily basis) and here we are, getting an education, having opportunities, living the life! But while you were working so hard to allow for us to have that life, you didn’t have the time to address your own mental health because you were striving to not only provide for your children but to help them succeed as well.

“You have food, shelter & water, why are you depressed?”

But guess what? Now your children do! We have the time, resources and money to address what’s impacting us emotionally and psychologically. And we have you to thank you for that!

So yes, unintentionally, you created the luxury for us to deal with our mental health. And what a life! A life where you can evaluate why you might not be happy or why your marriage may be struggling. A life where you can address clinical depression or other mental illnesses, get help to understand why anxiety is hindering your day to day life, find the right medications & therapy that’s going to help you cope, find balance, self-actualize and succeed! The list goes on & on! What’s the point of all these freedoms you afforded us if we aren’t happy, healthy and in our best mental health to enjoy it?

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Mental health & mental illness are not just for white people. We all have mental health & are susceptible to developing mental illness, especially considering what is happening in the world right now. You would be remiss to say we’re not mentally and emotionally impacted by both the Black Lives Matter movement and covid-19. Now is the time to speak freely and confide with one another when it comes to Black mental health. And we need you by our sides.

Love,

A first generation West Indian daughter

“Mental illness is not just for white people.”

I am learning so much right now by reading, reflecting, attending webinars, examining my own experiences and having discussions with my peers. I hope that my notion that our parents’ sacrifice allows us to enjoy the luxury of addressing our mental health resonates and hopefully I will continue to have more “Ah-Ha!” moments to share in the months to come.

Enjoyed this post? Read & share my other blog post: What does it mean to be black and have a mental illness?

Share this with your people:

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RESOURCES:

Hill Studio

“Meditation, breathing exercise, conversations, calming music and soulful yoga flows to soothe and restore your mind, body and soul. Led by Black Wellness Practitioners to address the needs of the Black Community. Open to all members of the Black Community. All Genders welcome.”

Therapy for Black Girls

“So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevents Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. This space was developed to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.”

8 Black Mental Health Resources in Canada and Online

“These organizations focused on the mental health and well-being of Black communities can offer some much-needed support right now.”

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Categories
Depression Events Finding Help Inspiration

Talks with Strangers: Perspectives on Mental Health

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Nicholas H

One of my favourite things to do pre-covid19 was going to events about writing, mental health, black mental health or being a creative. I went because events like this keep me going. They keep me inspired. They keep me abreast regarding mental health topics. And most of all, I get to see the faces of people who struggle with mental health, their loved ones and those who want to help.

Since we can no longer gather, I thought I would bring the best content of past events to readers. I take meticulous notes and aim to grab the best quotes & info from each event.

On February 25, I attended “Tuesday Talks with Strangers: Perspectives on Mental Health”, a series held at Toronto’s Staples Studios Spotlight space, a part of their larger co-working space.

Organized by volunteers, the evening included the following panelists: Lisa Schwartz, Registered Social Worker & Clinical Therapist at Shift Collab and Nikita Andreev, friend of an individual with lived experience

“The best way to get rid of stigma is talking to each other and building community. Especially with people with lived experience,” event organizer Nicholas H. introduces the evening.

Nikita Andreev & Lisa Schwartz

Andreev discusses “Perspective” by Jay Doodnauth, a film he worked on. “The film gives attention to mental health in minority communities.”

Andreev also discusses his close friend who died by suicide. “We had no idea. Now that I look back there were signs. He had been trying to find help.” Andreev believes if his friend was able to open up they may have been able to help him. He notes that not everyone is close enough with their families to confide in them and that’s where friends come into the picture. However, he reminds us that at the end of the day we can only support our friends and family, and help them get help. We can’t take responsibility for them.”

Together, Andreev and Schwartz discussed the following important points regarding mental health, suicidal ideation, potential signs and dos and don’ts of supporting someone.

Everyone has a had a thought about suicide. It is not an uncommon passing thought, especially in youth.

  • It’s important to recognize the signs. Suicide is not necessarily an impulsive act.
  • An important question to ask about is planning. Do they have plans? How would they do it?
  • Everyone’s threshold is different. You have to pay attention to the person and know who they are (i.e. a social person becoming antisocial may be a sign)

Risk factors:

  • Males, youth (second leading cause of death), socially isolated, time in jail, trauma, ADHD etc.
  • They tend to be more compulsive.
  • Suicide contagion – if someone in your group dies by suicide. If the person is already a struggling and has a history of attempts or family members who have passed by suicide

Combine any of these together and the odds are increased

“It’s important to recognize the signs. Suicide is not necessarily an impulsive act.”

Having these conversations is easier said then done. Just ask. You likely won’t be planting ideas in their head, they’ve likely already had these thoughts. Just asking can show someone that you care. If nobody asks the person could wonder, “Does no one else care or notice?” Be factual, “I’ve noticed you’ve been canceling plans.” It’s about knowing facts and pointing them out. Or just giving them space to share.

You have to ask directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

  • People are scared to ask but you asking makes it okay to discuss. It makes them feel like it’s okay and that they shouldn’t feel ashamed. If it’s not the case then great. If they answer yes, ask more questions about intent, plans or thoughts. Find help if it’s planned.
  • By telling them, “Everyone loves you etc.” You’re not validating their feeling. In the moment that’s how they feel, make sure not to dismiss how they feel.
  • “Name it to tame it.” Shed shame. Just naming it and acknowledging it can take away the shame. And make it okay to discuss.
Nikita Andreev & Lisa Schwartz

It’s really tempting to want to jump in and give advice, it’s our natural tendency, especially for someone we love. But sometimes that’s not helpful.

Make sure you emotionally validate them. Make them feel heard and understood. For example, “I can see why you would feel that way.” It’s not about agreeing with what they say. Together you can then make a rational next step.

It’s all about the value of just listening. If they ask for help, brainstorm together and come up with a plan. It’s not going to be just one conversation. You have to first plant the seed. They know now it’s safe to come back to you. The most important thing is to have that first conversation.

Be realistic about what you can do and how you can help them. That you have your own supports!

Overall, it was a very enjoyable evening! I had the chance to chat with Nicholas, Lisa and Nikita, who were all lovely to meet and get to know a bit more. Part of the evening was dedicating to audience activity. They asked us to find two people w didn’t know and discuss a prompt they provided. For instance, “What would make it hard for you to talk to someone (friend, family or coworker etc.) about their mental health?”

It was really inspiring to see different types of people gathered because they wanted to broach the topic of mental health, including those in the audience, the volunteers and speakers. It gave me comfort to know I’m not alone when it comes to battling mental illness and there are those who want to be allies.

RESOURCES:

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

ConnexOntario provides free and confidential helplines 24/7 and can help campus professionals (counsellors, faculty, student leaders, residence dons, etc.) connect students with mental health and addictions information, services, and supports in their community.

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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Covid19 & Mental Health

17 ways to support family or friends living with mental illness during covid19, Part II

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“We are in this together,” has been an emotionally provoking statement for a lot of people as we are not all really in this together! Due to many socioeconomic factors we are definitely not experiencing this in the same way. And for those who live with mental illness, I can 110% tell you they are not experiencing this global pandemic in the same way as you. As someone who has been dealing with mental illness since I was 15 years old, I’ve learned a lot about what is helpful and what is extremely unhelpful when people are trying to support you. Let’s focus on the positive though!

9. Be patient. One thing my friends and family had was a crap ton of patience. Yes, supporting your loved one can be exhausting but you have to strengthen and practice your ability to be patient or all of these suggestions aren’t going to work. If you feel your patience is getting short, take a break! Take a day or so for yourself and practice self-care. There is nothing wrong with taking time to step away and breathe. You have your own mental health to consider as well.

10. Make jokes! You have to be careful with this one. You must know you have that kind of relationship and that they aren’t in the frame of mind to be hurt by what you say in any way. The Internets is really killing it right now with quarantine and working from home jokes. I’ve laughed through tears and it can be the best kind of laughter.

11. Recommend apps. Headspace (my favourite), Calm, The Fabulous etc. If you think they don’t have the wherewithal to use an app, offer to download it together and make it an activity you do together. You could also both download the same book on Kindle, Nook or Kobo and discuss what you’ve read weekly creating your own little book club. This can be something you both look forward to. Don’t forget to make the reading a small one! Sadly, the ability to focus can be difficult when you are dealing with mental illness – this was one of the harder things for me as I love reading books.

“We rise by lifting others”

12. Refer them! If you know a mental health professional you think could help, refer them. It’s very difficult to find the right therapist, it can take years. I was lucky as many of the mental health professionals I saw were via referrals. And let’s be serious when someone refers someone else, they are likely to now treat that person as special and perhaps also offer a price on a sliding scale.

13. Random texts & phone calls. This is a no brainer during covid19, perhaps lay off on the video calls though. We’re all Zoom-ed out. Ask them at some point what they prefer, video or audio only. The random factor is just a nice pick me up to show that you’re thinking about them.

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14. “I love you,” is a nice reminder and people don’t say it enough! My girlfriend started telling me I love you at the end of our calls maybe 8 years ago. At first, I was thrown but then I started responding with, “love you too,” it’s just such a nice moment. I now say it to my other girlfriends! Sometimes I will make it a bit more jokey so it’s not as intense/awkward. I sometimes say, “Loveeesss you,” or text “lubs you.”

15. Help them name it! People tend to tip toe around this! If they’ve been diagnosed just call it what it is!!! “How’s your “insert mental illness”? This helps with the stigma and helps the person process what is happening and the fact that they are ill. After 20 years of major depression, anxiety and OCD, let me tell you this is powerful.

16. Go through the statistics. Many of us are dealing with health anxiety regarding our own health and those of others. Our current situation is the perfect environment for anxiety and OCD to flourish. Outlining the statistics of the situation – the likelihood that they could get covid19 and get sick and die – may help to lower anxiety. Focus on the positive stories as well! The patients who survive covid19 and get to go home! The mother who finally gets to take her newborn home with her. All the positive that is happening all over the world right now.

I don’t think people realize how difficult it is to live with a mental illness. Imagine all the things you struggle with in life and multiply that by a thousand and add covid19 on top. Try some of these suggestions and let me know how they work for you and your loved one. Best of luck. Stay safe. Stay at home and stay washing your hands!

Read Part I of 17 ways to support family or friends living with mental illness during covid19.

Other great reads on this topic: Psychology Today & PsychCentral.

Share this with your people:

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RESOURCES:

Psychology Today has gathered here a group of renowned psychologists, academics, psychiatrists and writers to contribute their thoughts and ideas. They are a live stream of what’s happening in ‘psychology today.’ Their magazine, first launched in 1967, continues to thrive. Psychology Today’s directory provides a comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists and treatment facilities near you. Lists include – Therapists, online therapy, treatment centres and support groups.

Ontario Association of Mental Health Professionals (OAMHP) is Ontario’s largest association of mental health professionals. 3,000+ members embody the spectrum of mental healthcare providers at work in family health teams, hospitals, school boards, workplaces, community centres and private clinics – just about everywhere you find mental health services in your community. 

ConnexOntario provides free and confidential helplines 24/7 and can help campus professionals (counsellors, faculty, student leaders, residence dons, etc.) connect students with mental health and addictions information, services, and supports in their community.

Content on this website may be triggering, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital if you feel you are in a mental health crisis.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

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